Yesterday, after brokering a ceasefire (which was immediately violated) between Israel and Iran, President Trump addressed reporters on the White House lawn curious if the nations were “still committed” to peace. “We basically have two countries that have been fighting so long and so hard,” he explained, “they DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE DOING.” It was an instantly iconic line, and cathartic, spoken for an entire nation so f*cking tired of caring about shit that has nothing to do with us. And while I’m ever less certain what is, or should be, happening abroad, I’m at least grateful for the return of our poet troll. If the bombs do drop this summer, take solace: it seems we will concurrently be receiving bangers in the hallowed vein of “The Coca Cola company is not happy with me--that's okay, I'll still keep drinking that garbage.” And so will I. And so will we all.

“I refuse to die for Israel,” X user and self-proclaimed red-blooded American “Red Pill Media” declared last week, on an account registered — per info from a years-old Twitter data breach — in Karachi. Welcome to modern online information warfare, where legions of offshore trolls — some unaffiliated with foreign governments, some undoubtedly quite affiliated — figuratively don Uncle Sam outfits to vie for the attention of the American masses. Spend any time on social media and you’ll see them: bald eagles and U.S. flags atop timelines urging common cause with America’s enemies in barely passable English. The solution? Elon should build a mandatory label, affixed to each X account, disclosing its registered nation of origin. No doxxing, no banning, no censorship — just some much-needed transparency. Is it too much to ask that we know when “Mike4Patriots1776” is tweeting from a warehouse in Islamabad?

A left-wing activist group, People’s Union USA, is planning to boycott McDonald’s in response to the fast-food chain rolling back its corporate DEI policies. John Schwarz, the leader of the group — which boasts over 450,000 Instagram followers and previously boycotted Walmart and Target for similar reasons — said in a post: “This is about more than burgers and fries… When we unite and hit corporations in their wallets, they listen.” And you know what? More power to you, People’s Union. Not because I share your belief McDonald’s should continue being racist, but because, frankly, many left-wing activists could use fewer milkshakes. As a matter of fact guys, I heard all fast-food restaurants in America rolled back their DEI policies (not Ozempic manufacturer Novo Nordisk, though, they’re super woke). Keep it up folks, MAHA! And remember, No Kings also applies to Burger King.

“Open war is upon you, whether you would risk it or not.” So says Aragorn to Theoden in the second act of Lord of The Rings, and the same is true today. The Great Brain Rot War is upon you, and regardless of your take on social media, none of us can escape the endless content stream blasting straight into our retinas. Stimulants, shortened attention spans, sub-optimal sleep patterns fueled by blue light…  we watch thousands of content sugar bombs daily, and retain almost none of it. We consume from too many, and thus connect with too few. Delphi offers a way out. With Delphi, you can interact with authenticated, digital versions of the world's greatest minds, that preserve their unique knowledge, context, and humanity. People you can talk to, text or video call from anywhere. Join us in declaring death to the doomscroll, and dedicate to making digital connections meaningful again with Delphi.

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