Wednesday, California Forever — the Silicon Valley-backed developer planning “the next great American city” — offered three miles of Bay Area waterfront to build the hypothetical Solano Shipyard, the largest shipbuilding complex in America. The move follows Trump’s executive order to revive U.S. maritime manufacturing and the SHIPS Act, which pumps federal dollars into shipyard expansion. Why the rush? As it stands, China is kicking our ass in this department. They control over half the global shipbuilding market, and a single Chinese shipyard built more vessels last year than all American shipyards combined since World War II. Right now, most U.S. shipbuilding happens on the East and Gulf Coasts, but we need Pacific deterrence yesterday. If we’re serious about rebuilding American strength, it looks like new cities, new shipyards, new futures forged in steel. And, after we handle natsec, it looks like flexing our new 2,000-foot Margaritaville cruise ship.

This week, Trump signed an executive order loosening restrictions on shower water flow, revealing himself to be a Pirate Wires reader by doing so mere hours after we published a banger on the topic. “I like to take a nice shower to take care of my beautiful hair,” Trump remarked. “I stand under the shower for 15 minutes until it gets wet… drip, drip, drip. It’s ridiculous.” Ridiculous indeed, Mr. President — and we thank you for taking action to end this assault on our bathing rituals. But The Great Shower War is far from over. Since 1992, when Congress passed a law regulating water flow, each President has issued their own interpretation, allowing for higher or lower flow (depending on how much they hate us). Lawmakers: maybe just repeal the stupid shower law altogether? Our hygiene, and Trump’s beautiful hair, depend on it.

Phoebe Gates, zoomer daughter of International Moral Hero™ Bill Gates, has revealed her parents didn’t want her to drop out of college despite Bill himself bailing on Harvard. “They were very much like, ‘you need to finish your degree; you don't just get to, like, drop out and do a company,’” she said on her new podcast detailing the launch of her fashion startup. At first I felt a plebian impulse to criticize Phoebe for being a nepo baby, but then Bill strolled onto another pod and revealed his kids will inherit <1% of his $100B+ fortune, and my heart filled with rage. This young woman’s spiritual destiny as an IG-famous trust fund girl has been robbed thanks to Bill’s Satanic Illuminati Boomer inheritance policy, forcing her into the slums of digital poverty (starting a podcast and shilling ecomm). Welcome, Phoebe. You deserved better, but we’re happy to have you all the same.

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in 1992, congress quietly capped your shower at 2.5 gallons per minute. it was supposed to conserve water. but decades later, data shows that low-flow laws actually make us take longer showers, increasing water waste. read all about why it’s time to repeal this dumb, outdated regulation (trump signed an executive order on shower pressure literally 2 hours after we published this) (you’re welcome)

katherine dee turned to claude for help during a difficult period in her life, and soon found herself developing a genuine connection with the chatbot. read her eye-opening account, as well as firsthand interviews with others who developed emotional — and even sexual — relationships with llms

new deep dive from blake on a group of tech bros who are on a mission to save k-12 education... by building a network of schools that employ new technologies to fundamentally rethink how we teach kids. examples include but not limited to: helping them use ai to write novels, start local businesses, and even create their own youtube channels

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