- Retardant logic
- NostraDNAmus
- Apeing Nana’s 401k
|
|
|
California finally allowed State Farm to raise insurance rates on homeowners, a fraught issue blocked for years by politicians who don’t understand that actions have consequences — like for example when you force businesses to operate at a loss, and they’re therefore forced out of town before a once-in-a-generation wildfire takes out LA. Now, commie posters are furious. But we have two options: allow insurers to hike rates in accordance with actual risk, or lose insurance altogether. Oh wait, there is a third option: develop a plan for combatting wildfires that factors in everything from zoning and new technology (fire detecting drones? autonomous water bots?) to ambitious new infrastructure (hydrants that work?). Of course, that would require actual competence from state government. But I did just discover Newsom is “floating cuts” to the healthcare for illegal immigrants I was told for years did not
exist. So at least we know he has his priorities straight.
|
|
|
The genetic data of over 15M people is in limbo after a bankruptcy judge ruled 23andMe can sell the data to potential bidders, and customers are nervous. While the testing company has promised any future buyer will comply with their data policy, genetic privacy laws are quite weak — HIPAA doesn’t apply to DTC companies, nor does the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act apply to non-health entities — and customers fear an acquirer could use sensitive data in ways that violate 23andMe’s current agreement: an insurance company inflating life premiums, for example. Now, as users scramble to delete their data, millions are pursuing multiple class action lawsuits. But all of this could have been avoided if we’d just listened to that one QAnon uncle who warned us about “giving away” our DNA to lizard people. Sorry unc, you were right. Alas, the prospect of bragging over a 0.04% Cherokee heritage was just too
sweet to ignore.
|
|
|
Coinbase is set to join the S&P 500 for the first time, supplanting Discover Financial Services on the benchmark stock market index and placing the crypto exchange among traditional powerhouses like Apple and Berkshire Hathaway. Here, I speak for all degens in congratulating the first of our autistic community of HODL-ers, Hawk Tuahs, and borderline schizophrenic libertarian colloidal silver sippers to make it to the big leagues. Well done, Brian and crew — all you had to do was put up with years of hostility from Pocahontas Warren, outlast tech’s DEI era, sit idly by while scammers gave your entire industry a bad name, and watch half your peers get arrested. But now? You don’t just have the approval of online cokeheads — you also have the coveted stamp of approval from Wall Street cokeheads, too. So keep the 8-ball rolling, Coinbase. My Fartcoin (and now, my retirement) depends on it.
|
|
|
On Augment, OpenAI’s private share price rose 38% last quarter, adding $80 billion in market value and pushing its total valuation to $290 billion.* OpenAI’s GPT models are no longer experimental. They are
embedded into Microsoft’s cloud, into global software workflows, and into critical infrastructure across finance, healthcare, and cybersecurity. With $4.9 billion in revenue and accelerating enterprise adoption, OpenAI is becoming the foundation of the global intelligence economy.
Augment Markets changes the rules. A platform where accredited investors access private securities, employees find liquidity, and pricing is updated as it happens. Because by the time AI becomes regulated
infrastructure, the ground floor will be long gone. |
*Estimates based on Augment Capital’s ATS platform data, using starting share price January 1st vs. the ending price on March 31st, 2025.
Securities offered through Augment Capital, LLC, member FINRA/SIPC. While some private companies may experience significant valuation increases, private investments carry substantially higher risks than public securities. |
|
|
|
