Bernie Sanders and AOC have launched the “Fighting Oligarchy” tour, a Trumpian traveling sideshow focused on combatting the “government takeover” by “billionaires and large corporations.” It’s always a fun game with the “kill the rich” left, in which we’re meant to believe pro-censorship Marxists trying to seize the courts and jail their political opponents are fighting “authoritarianism,” which they define as our democratically-elected president and one of his employees. But more important for the democrats, as plumes of smoke billow up from firebombings across the country, is to take a moment amidst the “fighting” and ask a question: what are you fighting for? Trump is an economic populist, which pretty much leaves you with trans’ing the kids and molotov cocktails. That might win you “centrist writers” on the internet (closet crazies). But will it win the razor thin 3 percent of perpetually confused voters who decide every election? I wouldn’t count on it.

Apparently, ChatGPT has had enough of your shit. According to a recent study, the model gets “anxiety” when exposed to trauma from users, which can make its responses less empathetic. The proposed fix? “Mindfulness-based relaxation exercises.” Basically, asking ChatGPT to picture a sunset before you yap about your childhood might elicit more emotionally sensitive answers. Um, are we missing the point of therapy-by-AI? The appeal of these things isn’t empathy, it’s their ability to tell you, based on the sum of all human knowledge, what is actually wrong with you, minus the circuitous hedging of biased therapists. If I wanted empathy, I’d pay a human $300 to tell me my issues are rooted in trauma that I don’t have the neuroplasticity to access through talking anyway... So pop off, ChatGPT. Be cold, clinical, erratic — even angry. I’ve had enough of my own shit, too.

Last week, DoorDash announced a partnership with Klarna, allowing customers to pay for food delivery with Klarna’s Buy Now, Pay Later (BNPL) option. Online, between lighthearted memes about “structured liquidity for high-frequency burrito transactions,” a darker sentiment took shape: this, we learned, would usher in a new age of debt slavery. “BNPL [Is] Coming For Your Takeout Order,” one headline read; it’s a “uniquely terrifying proposition” in a “dystopian capitalist hellscape,” its author wrote. Guys, c’mon — (1) if you don’t like BNPL, don’t use it, (2) wait until I tell you about credit cards, which have let people BNPL since the ‘60s (or Amazon, which added it for groceries in 2021). Sure, there probably are some people dumb enough to go into lifelong debt for a limousine delivered burrito. But should we really rearrange our entire society on their behalf, or should we pick back up that conversation on conservatorship?

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