Following the Trump administration’s cancellation of something like $400 million in federal education grants to Columbia University (why did these ever exist?), and amidst the ongoing will-he-won’t-he deportation drama surrounding yay Hamas activist Mahmoud Khalil — a 30-year-old “student” on a green card recently apprehended by ICE — the New York Times asserts plainly, calmly, with no sense of self-interrogation whatsoever: “the goal of the current White House [is] to dismantle higher education.” What’s refreshing about this, I think, is the honesty. Elite, private “higher education” in America now constitutes 1) Syrian nationals coordinating on-campus violence on behalf of student organizations fighting for the “eradication of western civilization,” and 2) hundreds of millions of dollars in taxpayer funds. Now, has Trump actually called for the dismantling of higher ed? Of course not. But, with characterizations like this from its allies, would you really blame him if he did?

After bankrupting Canadians for years, shutting down the government for months, and miming cunnilingus in the parliamentary chamber for a few final seconds, Canadian PM Justin “Zulu Chocolate” Trudeau is out, and replacement Mark Carney is in. Let’s meet the new PM: econ at Harvard, postgrad at Oxford, ex-Goldman, ex-Brookfield, ex-Bank of England, author of neoliberal orthodoxy bible (Value(S): Building A Better World For All), Special Envoy at the UN… holy globalist bingo, Batman! Quick, someone harvest this man’s seed, FedEx it into Angela Merkel’s barren womb, and start breeding some turbo-lib Uruk-Hai hybrids stat! I for one am thrilled to have yet another titan of generic technocratic utopianism in power, and I’m excited to see Carney build on his accomplishments — like overseeing billions in investments with CCP-linked companies — and execute on his vision — like crafting the ultimate, climate-obsessed, neoliberal boomer graveyard from hell. America, please just invade. I can’t take this shit much longer.

Last week, Pokémon Go creator Niantic agreed to sell its video game business to a company owned by Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund. Elsewhere, Saudi Arabia has also been brokering Ukraine-Russia peace talks, hosting ceasefire negotiations and saying they support “all initiatives” to finally end the deadly conflict. Critics may be skeptical of MBS’ regime… but if either of these endeavors prove successful, it’ll be cause for celebration. The war has already led to over a million casualties, while Pokémon Go — which briefly united the world after its initial 2016 release — is now only enjoyed by nerds with the emotional intelligence of 7th graders (like this Pirate Wires writer). I’m not saying tying up and killing journalists is ok... but if the Saudis manage to stave off World War 3 and restore Pokémon Go’s magic?? Let’s just say I’m less likely to remember the name Khashoggi when I’m rushing to catch Clefairy.

Like Trump in a Tesla, top founders step into Warp’s payroll platform and just *know* it’s different. They see the UI, feel the ease, and grin. “Everything’s computer,” they think to themselves.

Warp automates payroll, handles multi-state tax compliance, and streamlines international contractor payments — so founders can focus on building, not busywork. No friction, no second-guessing, just a system that runs at the speed of ambition.

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this week, the crew talks elon taking hits from all angles (more protests/attacks on tesla cars and charging stations, stonks dipped, and oh yeah,  that cyberattack on X). plus: immigration authorities detain columbia university’s mahmoud khalil, sam altman previews ai shakespeare, and... the gavin newsom-steve bannon crossover we’ve all been waiting for??

almost all of the energy in llms goes to general-purpose models, competing on general-purpose, question-answering benchmarks. but there are many more — and more practical — ways we could be using llms: how about translating any piece of text ever written into plain, easy-to-understand language? ai and science researcher / palantir veteran sarah constantin shares her ideas for actually making practical, everyday use of large language models in this savvy guest piece for pirate wires

what does the future of gaming look like with the innovation of ai? hyperrealistic fortnite skins? non-technical operators being able to remaster any game that's ever been created? games partnering with our neural net systems to create experiences reminiscent of lucid dreams? below, a fascinating exploration on the future of ai-powered video games by the ever imaginative g. b. rango

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