Democrat-run states across the country are recruiting federal workers fired by Trump (and doing everything in their power to tell us all about it). Obviously, the NYT penned a long glowing piece on the trend, framing the matter as a bargain. But are we truly just a bureaucrat or two away from functioning infrastructure? And keep in mind, New York is not only on a “hiring spree,” it’s employing the BRIDGE Act to grant all fired federal workers rehired by the state expedited access to pensions. Hilariously, this story has been dwarfed by a viral clip of darling libs Jon Stewart and Ezra Klein aghast over crippling process, which means it does at least look like the Democrats have finally settled on a new path forward: earnestly anti-bureaucracy while furiously opposed to firing bureaucrats, and self-righteously committed to paying them — to do nothing — until they die. Ah yes, progress.

Trump dropped a 25% tariff on imported cars last week, leaving automakers choking on exhaust — well, other than Tesla, which builds its domestically-sold cars in America. Elon haters were quick to cry cronyism, claiming Trump was favoring his DOGE commander. But, in this case, there’s really no “protection racket.” Galvanizing American manufacturing has always been a major Trump position, and Tesla has been manufacturing at home (along with Ford apparently?) long before the MAGA-Musk bromance. Sure, if you’re a card-carrying Dem there are pretty obvious political reasons for “Elon Derangement” (aka not liking this person), and the tariff probably means non-Tesla-owning members of the upper middle class will be a little extra pissed when they spill $9 vegan lattes in their more expensive Audi Q5s. But does Elon really deserve heat for hiring thousands of Americans to make cars at home? That’s the alleged point of the tariffs, people. And I won’t cry over spilled oatmilk.

The Supreme Court has declined to hear Juliana v. United States, a climate case brought against the federal government by 21 young people who argued their constitutional rights were violated by the U.S. encouraging fossil fuel use. And though the court ultimately ruled ‘lmao, nice try kids, you can’t sue the government over your neighbor’s Ford F-150,’ it’s probably a good moment to reflect on the deranged climate histrionics we’ve seen over the years. For example, remember when AOC claimed the world would end in 12 years? (you have 6 left to live, fyi). The next time these people try to tell us something is “existential,” let’s wait a second before trying to rearrange our entire society to fit their whims. More likely than not, in a few years they’ll have moved on to some other issue while their base firebombs the solution to their last big existential problem (over hand gestures and spending cuts).

The quiet hum of Anduril defense drones fills the air as the red dust of Mars settles outside your window. SpaceX’s Starship docks, unloading fresh supplies and new settlers. The systems hum, the colony thrives.

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