Amidst a flurry of shocked stories surrounding the existence of remedial math classes at Stanford, Harvard, and even MIT, someone hacked NYU’s website and posted what are allegedly student SAT scores by race, in which black students lagged white and asian students by about 200 points. Thus, more than dumb jocks or clueless legacy students, racist admissions policy privileging black and latino students over white and asian students has quickly become the focus online. But (forgive the pun) it doesn’t really add up. Concurrently, while the DEI discourse once again rears its tedious hydra’s head from the dead stump of last month’s drama, a new analysis of test scores contends math ability across the entire country has dipped. Whether or not we are dealing with the consequences of Covid, American education is actually just broken. Probably, instead of another culture war skirmish, we should try to fix it. 

Last week at Nvidia’s GTC conference, Jensen Huang featured two of Disney’s real-life Star Wars droids — Besh and Grek — powered by a new AI physics engine called Newton. Before venturing out into reality, these robots learned to navigate the physical world with Pixar-esque charm through a series of virtual simulations, where digital versions of the bots faceplanted repeatedly in order to perfect their walks via pre-embodiment reinforcement learning. Obviously this technology has massive implications for what Nvidia says will be a $10 trillion market of robots in logistics, healthcare, and more, but Besh and Grek also revealed something more subtle: people loved these little guys. They came across not as soulless units of job-stealing economic power, but as reflections of an exciting, creative, sci-fi future. People don’t want threatening automata, they want interactive robotic characters that feel magical. And now, for that long-awaited fifth Disney World park? I’m thinking Westworld — but Imagineered.

This morning, PBS chief executive Paula Kerger and NPR’s Katherine Maher are set to testify before Congress after being ritually summoned by Marjorie Taylor Greene, who chairs the House subcommittee on DOGE. Some smart questioning here exposing the obvious political bias held by these two and their organizations, as well as highlighting just how much of my money is helping them spew said bias, would go a long way toward ultimately defunding these orgs / letting Pirate Wires absorb them in a hostile takeover (which would be equal parts ironic and hilarious given Maher once likened a certain conference for thoughtcrime hosted by a certain billionaire media mogul to *checks notes* the KKK). Unfortunately, in order to get the job done, we’re relying on boomer Congressmen who 1) for better or worse, use these hearings for clout, and 2) can’t even manage a Signal chat without leaking war plans. Guys please — keep it tight! We have overpaid journalists to fire.

While many nervously watch from the sidelines, unsure how the administration’s next move will impact crypto, BlackRock is quietly making bold moves. Arkham — the platform tracking real-time blockchain activity — revealed they just added $100 million in Bitcoin to their IBIT fund. That brings their total to 572,000 BTC, making it the largest spot Bitcoin ETF out there. What do they know that we don’t? As fear ripples through the market, BlackRock keeps stacking like they’ve seen the ending.

Track Blackrock here.

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last year on pirate wires, kat rosenfield questioned why every new disney protagonist is being pigeonholed into the “girlboss” archetype. with disney’s new live-action snow white finally hitting theatres (and earning scathing reviews / miserable numbers at the box office) her piece is more apt than ever — read it below

totally well-adjusted people are doxxing tesla owners and burning down dealerships as popular leftists like jimmy kimmel and tim walz cheer them on. plus: harry sisson stares down the barrel of a suspiciously timed #metoo scandal, the jfk files were a dud, snopes is acting as security detail for democrat-approved narratives, and more

cataloging one of the rare moments a b2b partnership seed-generated a bunch of great memes

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