Tuesday, President Trump and VP Vance were awkwardly trapped in church with their families by an activist bishop who used her allotted prayer-giving time to performatively beg for mercy on behalf of gay people (didn’t ask), who now “fear for their lives” (they don’t). Initially, I didn’t want to cover this for the same reason I try (and typically fail) to not dwell on the mentally ill vegans who keep attempting to destroy priceless works of art. It’s best to starve these people of attention. But CNN immediately interviewed the activist, while the New York Times stuck her on their front page for two days. That means it’s time to share my helpful tool for parsing such stories: have any of the people “concerned” or “moved” by Reverend Rainbow Sparkle Bunny’s words ever been to church? No. So congratulations, you don’t have to care what they say about God.

Tuesday, right on the heels of repealing Biden’s AI executive order — which awarded grants to AI firms contingent on DEI commitments and prioritized foreign governments over US AI companies (a winning strategy, truly) — Trump announced Stargate, a $500 billion AI initiative between OpenAI, Oracle, and Softbank to build out domestic datacenter infrastructure. Unsurprisingly, technology brothers throughout the industry went wild in response. But this time, the hype just might be justified. It’s still early, but an aggressive, accelerationist technology policy run by guys like Michael Kratsios (previously Thiel, Scale AI), Sriram Krishnan (previously at a16z), and David Sacks (current Craft GP (and low-key SV icon)) makes one thing clear: Trump isn’t scared of AI’s potential, or beholden to people who are, he’s embracing it. Is the AI supergod finally making his historic debut? Still too soon to tell, but when he does he’ll be American.

Mr. Beast has joined an investor group led by employer.com founder Jesse Tinsley to make an all-cash offer on TikTok’s US operations, setting up the social media showdown of the century against Shark Tank’s Mr. Wonderful, Elon Musk, and Larry Ellison, who Trump would “like to buy” the app. The President says TikTok is “worthless” without a US operating permit, but would be worth “like a trillion dollars” if a deal were made. It remains unclear why Xi would be willing to sell his spy app now, when he wasn’t even ten days back. But if he does? Elon’s too busy, Larry is a bit…advanced in age, and Mr. Wonderful is far too Canadian. Mr. Beast was born for this. He’s already conquered the internet, and cured the blind (1,000 of them at least). Now, his greatest challenge yet: tame the communist hooker app, and bring peace to the digital land.

Senator Warren is turning up the heat — grilling tech titans over their big bucks to the new administration. Sama, Zuck, Elon, Bezos — under scrutiny. Guess what? Your name isn’t on the list. Let this be your wake-up call. Success isn’t an accident; it’s built on focus and fundamentals, like seamless multi-state payroll, tax compliance, and streamlined international contractor payments. Get called before Congress. Get Warp.

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