Yesterday, the FDA finally banned Red No. 3, a cherry dye found in close to ten thousand processed foods in grocery stores across America, as it probably causes cancer. Shout out to my mom, who from my earliest memories looked at the ingredients in packaged food and said “What the hell is that? We’re not eating that, that probably causes cancer.” And now I’m thinking: maybe we should listen to our moms more often? For years, moms have warned us about everything from canola oil and overmedication to the importance of running around outside. Actually, moms are sort of the original RFK Jr., and they’re right about a lot. Let’s not wait another few decades for the FDA to stop gaslighting us about Yellow No. 5 (which probably shrinks your balls). Abolish the bureaucracy, and call Kathy (my mom). She’ll fix this quick.

Earlier this week, Greenland’s Prime Minister Múte Egede said the country had “started a dialog and seek[s] opportunities for cooperation with Trump,” a shocking, dangerous development for people who hate awesome things (in this case, “buying Greenland”). The PM expressed particular interest in American cooperation on mining and defense, two of the primary incentives I noted in “The Case for Greenland,” Pirate Wires’ canonical piece on the subject. The island’s overtures to Trump have rattled Denmark, which fears losing control of the territory (read: global relevance). Eager to retroactively pretend they’ve always loved the idea, Danish officials said yesterday if America has “any requests,” they are willing to talk, and anxiously noted they have “already made it clear that we are planning to do more” on Arctic defense. Our request? Chill out, and let us take the giant block of ice off your hands.

JP Morgan has shut down comments on their internal company website after unhappy employees lost their minds following an announcement they’d have to go back to the office full-time. One employee suggested everyone unionize, another stated it’s “more stressful to perform parental duties” (??), others “shared concerns” about “impact on work-life balance.” Frankly, everyone involved here kinda sucks. JP sucks, the retired boomers salivating over millennial misery in the comments section of the article suck, and these entitled employees definitely suck. Listen, guys, you work for a bank with a $145 billion commercial real estate portfolio. What did you expect? You had 5 cushy years to shitpost on Twitter, polish up your grifting influencer shit, and become some kind of nebulous internet marketer like the rest of us. You didn’t. Now it’s time to pay the piper. Get back in the office and start committing securities fraud again. America’s open for business.

In 2021, President Nayib Bukele made headlines by adopting Bitcoin as legal tender, a move hailed as bold by some and reckless by others. Arkham Intelligence now reveals just how calculated that bold move was: for over two years, El Salvador has purchased 1 Bitcoin every day, amassing 5,968 BTC. This $269.7 million investment is now worth $598 million — a 117% return — thanks to Bitcoin’s recent surge past $100,000. Once mocked, Bukele now draws admiration from figures like Elon Musk, who called the portfolio “impressive.” El Salvador, with a population mirroring Switzerland and Singapore, has quietly embraced the traits that define these global standouts: safety, stability, and a free, thriving economy.

By doubling down on Bitcoin, Bukele isn’t just making a bet — he’s charting a course. And we say this just may be the way. Track the Based Bukele revolution here.

SUPPORTED BY

hunter ash socially and medically transitioned (MtF) in 2019 before detransitioning in early 2024. below, read his eye-opening, honest, thoughtful — and at times uncomfortable — account of his experience living as a transwoman

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a bizarre online trend has emerged of people “grounding” — literally, touching grass — claiming a host of purported health benefits. the crazy part? science suggests they might have a point

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