Friday afternoon, Donald Trump was sentenced to an “unconditional discharge” in New York City’s show trial Stormy Daniels case. Unfortunately for the State Left, Trump’s victory was enormous, unambiguous, and of a kind that not only reoriented culture, but — possibly — America’s center of power. Now, much as the technology industry has reoriented itself in observance of the country’s tidal shift in vibes, the courts and press are finally wondering ‘what it all means.’ Oddly, the sentence was framed by much of the media as “lenient,” and yet decisive, proving once and for all our president is a felon, Something That Matters. In reality, nobody believes Trump can be imprisoned now, this was the only sentence possible, the entire case will now be challenged, and the people responsible for this incredible broach of justice will be treated to a similar level of scrutiny. Congratulations on your “victory.” I’m sure it will work out for you.

In a special union of the dorks, Tim Walz endorsed 24-year-old David Hogg for DNC vice chair. “This is exactly what we need right now: experienced, thoughtful, and energized leadership,” Walz said of Hogg, whose accomplishments include leveraging the Parkland shooting for attention and political ambition, plus founding a “progressive pillow company” to compete with Trump-supporting Mike Lindell’s MyPillow (then bowing out two months later). And? Interesting. While I’m not sure how someone who was in diapers on 9/11 could be considered “experienced,” I do find political home goods hilarious, and I think Hogg is a perfect fit for the Coconut Left. After all, he’s a master of their craft: publicity stunts and virtue signalling to popularity while actual projects (states, pillow companies) totally fail. More of the same if he wins, I guess. And if not? I know a bunch of Brooklyn baristas who would love a communist coffee machine.

Los Angeles residents looking for real-time wildfire information increasingly turned to Watch Duty last week, an app that saw its users spike by more than 1.6 million in just a few days. A private nonprofit launched by startup founder John Mills, Watch Duty is apparently run by 12 full-time employees and a team of volunteers who gather information from sources like public safety radio communications to provide fast and accurate wildfire notifications. And thank God for their work. Sure, it’s frustrating that we have to rely on a 12-man app with a shoestring budget for critical information rather than, idk, our government (which burns billions of taxpayer dollars every year). But do we really want the guys who just sent an evacuation warning to the entire county by mistake telling us where the fires are? For now, I’ll take the help where I can get it.

There’s a 33% chance Trump deports at least 750,000 people in his first year back in office — that’s the current market on Polymarket, sponsor of the ad you’re currently reading. For context on those odds: ICE removed 271,484 non-citizens in FY 2024. Tripling that number would amount to nothing less than historic mass deportations, the kind President Trump championed on the campaign trail. And we believe it’s inspiring to not only make bold promises, but also deliver on them. So in that spirit, Pirate Wires Daily Ad Writer is going to actually go to the gym like he promised for his New Year’s Resolution, and not just sit around scrolling the world’s best online betting market while eating snacks Bryan Johnson would be appalled by. Haha ok — maybe just five more minutes…

As a reminder, trading on Polymarket is prohibited in the US but you can see the odds for free on Polymarket.com.

SUPPORTED BY

this week, the crew is back to talk devastating fires hitting los angeles, meta’s content moderation policy overhaul, the h1b feud on 𝕏, and the new age of american manifest destiny (gulf of america has a nice ring to it)

wired recently sought to frame the ongoing uk gang rape atrocity as far-right misinformation, claiming elon was posting “falsehoods” about the saga. ashley points out how wired is the real misinformation peddler here in this masterclass on reading the media for bias

what would a consumer-scale stablecoin payment network look like in practice? a disruption of the visa and mastercard duopoly? “credit cards” that run on stablecoin rails? bridget and abhi examine how to take a stablecoin bank mainstream, and what this seismic shift would mean for consumers and merchants

©2024 Pirate Wires Corp. 215 NW 24th St. Ste. 800 Miami, FL 33127

Unsubscribe or Manage email Preferences 

Advertise with Pirate Wires

X

YouTube

Insta