Yesterday, in an effort to reduce traffic and get people back on the subway, New York City’s congestion toll took effect. Which is beautiful. We love the subway! But unfortunately for everyone at home who doesn’t want to die, the subway is presently in the throes of what seems to be a brutal crime wave, featuring everything from face slashings to almost daily stabbings (three times this week, including a man who asked a violent psychopath to turn down the loud music on his phone). As public fear and outrage mount, MTA head Janno Lieber dismissed local concern as a few high-profile incidents “[getting] in people’s heads.” And, while infuriating, I do understand the desperation behind his gaslighting. Without revenue, the system will collapse. Fortunately, there’s a solution, and we don’t even need the tolls. Step one: has anyone considered doing something about the deranged homeless people lighting passengers on fire?

So. Are we getting another state? It’s looking less crazy by the day. Greenland Prime Minister Múte Egede pulled no punches in his New Year’s speech, calling for independence, decrying “shackles of the colonial era,” and plainly stating Greenland’s affairs must not “take place solely through Denmark” — a bold rebuke of its benefactor signaling not only an awareness of its growing relevance, but of a lucrative American escape hatch. The PM’s reference to “great interest in our country” is an obvious nod to Trump’s acquisition fervor, a sentiment now viewed as obnoxiously brash but directionally correct. Meanwhile, on social, many Danish citizens seemed oddly happy to bid the territory good riddance, referring to Greenland as a giant, codependent “block of ice.” Might there really be a deal? “The sooner the better,” one said. Now, with Trump in the White House looking for a legacy? I’m thinking it really might be sooner.

Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum announced the country is launching an app to help Mexican citizens (see: not Americans) instantly alert the nearest consulate if they’re detained by US immigration officials (see: caught breaking our laws). The move was part of a broader warning from Sheinbaum’s administration that Mexico would defend the “human rights” of their citizens in the face of President Trump’s illegal immigration crackdown, which is interesting on many counts, chief among them the notion Mexican citizens have a “human right” to live in the United States. But Claudia, baby, it’s also worth noting your government is basically now abetting our illegal immigration crisis, which is not only stupid to do with Trump in the White House. It’s just plain redundant. The Biden Administration already abetted our illegal immigration crisis with its own CBP One app. A humble request: if you’re gonna be a corrupt, lawless politician, at least be original.

Polymarket currently has none other than former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo as the leading contender to win the Democratic nomination for New York City Mayor, coming in at a strong 22%. It’s a stark turnaround for the embattled politician, who faced criticism for his botched COVID response that proved to be a death sentence for New York nursing home patients, and who was also forced to resign following allegations of sexual harassment. But let Cuomo’s apparent turnaround be a lesson for us all: no matter what scandal you find yourself mired in, rest assured you can always say “babba booee, so whattt, my paisans, I’m Italiannn, we get a little touchy feely, badda boom badda bing” and people will eventually forget about it. One thing you won’t forget? Just how great Polymarket is — go check out their odds on today’s top stories right here. 

As a reminder, trading on Polymarket is prohibited in the US but you can see the odds for free on Polymarket.com.

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bombshell piece from ashley on how top leadership roles at wikimedia have been filled by figures with deep ties to george soros’ open society foundation… and how they’re now using the organization as an instrument to drive radical change around the world

let solana and crew recap the year that was — the major themes, the mighty battles, and of course, the banger pirate wires pieces that kept you entertained along the way

with canada, the panama canal, and of course moon, american expansionism is en vogue these days, and for good reason. now, g.b. rango lays out a strong case for adding another territory to that list — below, the canonical, comprehensive case for buying greenland

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