After posting a poll on Twitter, Elon decided to reinstate Marko Elez — the DOGE staffer fired after the press dug up inappropriate social media posts from last year — to his position at the frontlines of the battle to defund trans operas in Mogadishu (at the risk of infecting a million Somalian babies with AIDS, we’re told). JD Vance also advocated for his return, posting that “stupid social media activity [shouldn’t] ruin a kid’s life,” and “[we] shouldn’t reward journalists who try to destroy people.” And that, more than the actual tweets, is really the thing. Yes, the tweets were bad, but it almost doesn’t even matter what was said. If Elon lets the media take this scalp, they’ll never stop, and the press’s power to veto employment — anywhere — will be reinstated. DOGE’s mission is too important. Marko should apologize, and then everyone should get back to work.

California’s public school system might be in free fall, but that didn’t stop the teachers’ unions from coordinating a 32-school-district stickup last week. Their message? Give us more money, or we strike. Some context: California K-12 spending has more than doubled since 2009, only 29% of fourth graders are proficient in reading (and only 35% in math), enrollment is down 360,000 kids since the pandemic, and teacher salaries are absolutely mooning (now averaging $101,084 plus $30,000 in yearly pension contributions). Here’s the thing: I’m not “anti-teacher.” Teachers play a crucial role, which is exactly the point. I’m actually just anti-bad-teachers (and anti-extortion). This is a cartel using identity politics to dodge accountability — teachers are not uniformly “good” as a class, and it’s not evil to push back on their seemingly unlimited pay raises. So, California teachers: if you want to get paid for underperformance, go get a fake email job like everybody else.

Last week, Scientific American had a suggestion for DOGE’s goal of axing $2 trillion in government spending: stop modernizing our nuclear arsenal. Furthermore, while acknowledging China is “ratcheting up its nuclear forces” and Russia is “[heading] off a nuclear weapons buildup,” SciAm argued that the primary barrier to preventing DOGE from cutting the modernization effort is the “far-right” Project 2025 (??). Anyway, I don’t want a humanity-ending armageddon either, but here’s an idea we can try before handing nuclear hegemony to our enemies: fire the federal employees from last week’s Slate advice column who found themselves in their “absolute worst-case scenario” after buying a house on the West Coast but then being forced to return to the office in DC. They can get jobs as yoga instructors or juice farmers or whatever, and they won’t have to worry about their crystal garden getting nuked. Everyone wins! 

Arkham, the platform that maps and unmasks crypto transactions, has tracked 22,000 Bitcoin accounts tied to Satoshi Nakamoto, revealing an untouched $100 billion fortune — enough to make him one of the richest people in the world. Identified via the Patoshi Pattern, these wallets confirm he’s never spent his coins, adding to the mystery. Bitcoin’s open ledger shows what he holds — but not who he is. The paradox persists: total transparency, zero traceability. Arkham’s update offers a rare glimpse into Bitcoin’s origins, fueling speculation on power, anonymity, and what happens if Satoshi ever moves his stash. The legend grows.

Track Satoshi Nakamoto here.

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this week, john coogan and pirate idol’s kartik sathappan join the pod to talk trump’s initial strike against the deep state and all things doge: what has our government been funding exactly? how many taxpayer dollars went towards the middle eastern version of sesame street?? who is “big balls”??? all those questions and more, answered

nic carter exposed “operation choke point 2.0” in a series of pieces for pirate wires breaking down the biden admin’s war against crypto — now, a house committee hearing has just been held with the exact same title, as crypto industry vets testified against hostile actions from the previous administration. here’s a recap of everything that went down (brandon watched cspan so you don’t have to)

we put a freaking ‘moon should be a state’ ad in times square. no, this is not an early april fools joke. read more on solana’s experience visiting the masterpiece / why we decided to adorn the nyc skyline with our (now-famous) pw slogan. thank you for making this possible!!!

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