WIRED released the names of six young — “inexperienced” — men, ages 19 to 24, working for Trump’s Department of Government Efficiency, immediately triggering a wave of calls on Reddit for the men and their families to be found and killed, along with a torrent of follow-on pieces and posts from our gerontocracy-enjoying tech press. This much power (auditing government spending) in the hands of men this young (the age of our founding fathers) was unfathomable, we learned… from the same people who played block and tackle for a man with actual dementia. And that really is the question: would you rather have a 22-year-old engineer who designed an AI program that helped decipher one of the 2,000-year-old Herculaneum Papyri working for the government, or a much dumber old person? A matter of taste I suppose, but I stand with the cracked zoomers.

Within 24 hours of Secretary of State Marco Rubio’s arrival, Panama announced it would not renew its Belt and Road agreement with China. President José Raúl Mulino also noted he would “study the possibility of terminating it early,” a major shift for the first Latin American country to join the Chinese initiative. Rubio reiterated that the CCP cannot and will not be allowed to grow its presence in Panama, but while military threats have gotten us this far, there’s no totally pushing China out of the Canal without the support of its people. The good news is Panamanians already love us, but continued violent posturing will only alienate them. My suggestion? It’s time to offer them what China offered, but better. We can keep swinging our giant stick around, or we can build a bunch of sick infrastructure in our own backyard and easily sway Panama. But we can’t do both.

Trump cemented his legacy as dealmaker of the century yesterday, reaching agreements with Canada and Mexico to pause 25% tariffs on both countries in exchange for increased border security measures. First, after a “very friendly conversation” with the President of Mexico, she agreed to deploy 10,000 troops to the border. Then, a “good call” with Trudeau resulted in Canada moving forward with its proposed $1.3 billion border plan, replete with new technology, a “Joint Strike Force” with the US, and the appointment of a Fentanyl Czar (no, not Cartel Claudia). Just like that, the shortest trade war in history ends — less than one Mooch long. Congratulations, gentlemen, the Great Maple Guacamole Crisis of 2025 has been averted, America’s neighbors are finally playing ball, and with a little bit of American might (and probably some sweet talk) everyone wins. That, my friends, is the art of the deal.

Ross Ulbricht — crypto’s notorious outlaw and revered martyr — was pardoned by Trump after nearly a decade behind bars. Barely had he stepped into freedom when Arkham, a platform built to track real-time on-chain activity, captured a striking event: his old wallet, loaded with $12 million in tokens, suddenly began offloading its bounty. Some speculate it was meant to be a measured sell-off, but a misconfigured liquidity pool turned it into an accidental cascade that sent prices tumbling. Let this be a reminder to all: it’s not 2012 anymore — handle your liquidity with dignity.

Track Ross’s Comeback on Arkham.

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