Yesterday, large swaths of the leftist internet (Threads, and especially Bluesky) celebrated the assassination of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson. Justifications included 1) he was rich, and 2) the American healthcare system sucks. While outlets like Gizmodo simply blamed the bloodlust on Donald Trump (?) and moved on, fan fav journalist / performance artist Taylor Lorenz — Miss Information, if you will — personally led the mob. Eventually, she characteristically denied her celebration, but doubled down with further justifications after commenters provided her with screenshots of her depraved posts. Still, it doesn’t matter what Taylor says. We all know she’s crazy and evil. What matters is outlets like The Information are still paying people like Taylor, as they publicly agitate for the murder of business executives. Is it cancel culture to wonder how I can trust an outlet like this with business news? Okay then. Cancel me. But cancel my subscription first.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration is developing a global system to detect “solar geoengineering” attempts worldwide, in reaction to increased interest from rogue startups and foreign governments to modify the climate by releasing sulfur aerosols into the stratosphere. Part of the system involves releasing balloons equipped with aerosol sensors to detect if anyone’s been quietly dispersing chemicals to reflect sunlight back into space, an approach that NOAA says needs more testing to understand any potential unforeseen consequences. Of course, a more accelerationist society would just try the aerosol injection thing once or twice to learn more about it, but — at the moment — that’s not in the cards for America. Nonetheless, this story is a total white pill. The very existence of a brand new weather police division implies that we are capable of changing the weather. Are you hearing me? The nerds just admitted that humans are finally in control. 

According to the Senate, just 6% of America’s entire 3 million employee federal workforce goes into the office on a full-time basis. Federal buildings have become so vacant that the EPA’s headquarters (yes, the agency responsible for clean drinking water) had its own water supply inundated with dangerous bacteria after no one used the pipes for 4 years. This has led DOGE lord Elon Musk to propose a humble solution: federal employees must return to their empty, bacteria-ridden offices, or be fired. It’s a strong first move from DOGE, which will instantly do away with thousands of America’s laziest bureaucrats, but it really should have always been a basic requirement. I’m paying you for a stable 9-5 with paid benefits, sick leave, vacation time, and you basically do nothing? Yeah, sorry, you at least need to drag your ass to the office and pretend you’re doing something.

Keen observers on betting site Polymarket will notice that they give a 10% chance of Elon buying MSNBC in the wake of rumors that Comcast is putting the network up for sale. This comes after reports that MSNBC had one of the worst weeks for ratings in their network’s history last week, averaging just 38,000 viewers in the advertiser-coveted 25-54 age demographic. For reference, roughly 90,000 of you are currently reading this ad in the Pirate Wires Daily newsletter, meaning that Polymarket was smart to advertise with us rather than with dying cable news networks. Support a company that’s smart — check out Polymarket and view more odds for today’s top stories right here.

As a reminder, trading on Polymarket is prohibited in the US but you can see the odds for free on Polymarket.com.

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aww poor taylor, caught in another lie, this time attempting to walk back earlier statements about wanting executives dead. as such, we’ve done our duty and updated this running list of taylor lorenz lies (which we first published after she accused us of posting false information) 

two years after nic carter published his first piece with us on the topic, operation choke point 2.0 has gone mainstream. this piece breaks down the timeline, and how a story that started at pirate wires has now reached widespread cultural relevance and the highest levels of us government

when you look up at the night sky, do you really want to see china? if not, check out solana’s must-read moon thesis laying out his case for an america that grows, and formalizing once and for all why the celestial body above us deserves to be the 51st state

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