Yesterday, UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was fatally shot outside a Manhattan hotel, and footage of the hit went viral. Naturally, horror and confusion followed, but given the nature of our hellscape internet we were also cursed with takes: this was a matter of runaway crime in NYC!, some weakly attempted, or American healthcare costs!, some stupidly suggested, or weak gun laws!, others finally (unhelpfully) concluded. But really it was simply what it seemed: an assassination. It was a brazen, masked hit job, in broad daylight, of a major American executive. And the largeness of that, after a summer of assassination attempts, after watching Trump take a bullet, after Elon Musk shared he was under constant threats as well — of precisely the kind Thompson received before he was killed? Rightly terrifies people. Unfortunately, there’s no funny silver lining here. We’re just living in a violent world, and sometimes we’re forced to face it.

Earlier this week, Delaware judge Kathaleen McCormick rejected Tesla’s attempt to reinstate Elon’s $50 billion pay package, which he was supposed to earn after slashing through sales thresholds at the company like demons in Diablo IV. This is the same woman, you’ll recall, who tried to strike down the pay package in January, before shareholders told her “mind your business wtf,” and voted to hand Musk the money pile anyway. Okay. Friendly reminder, Kath: the only reason your state even exists is because of Delaware’s friendly corporation law. A FIFTH of your revenue is driven by franchise taxes on corporations, over a million of which are incorporated in the state — aka more than the number of people who live there. All of them are following this decision. And you decided to screw a business and its shareholders because you can’t stand Rocket Man? Good luck.

Last Friday, Trump hosted current Canadian Prime Minister, #1 Blackface Artist-In-Residence, and High Chieftain of Theatre Kids International, Justin Trudeau, for dinner — a tense discussion that included Trump telling Trudeau if Canada can’t handle tariffs, it should become America’s 51st state. Canadian bureaucrats quickly called this “a joke,” and claimed no serious annexation plan exists. But??? Come on. Canada’s destiny has always been to join the US — provinces were invited to join the 13 colonies during the Declaration — and Canadians are tired. Tired of entrenched oligopolies looting the country, tired of stepping over needles while inhaling eternal weed-smog, and tired of a state that spends $20K taxpayer dollars studying “Gender Politics in Peruvian Rock Music” (real thing). To my American friends: the end of the theatre kid government is nigh, Gondor calls for aid, and while I know you’re tired of the whole regime change thing… please? I think you’ve got one more in you.

Polymarket currently gives a 2% chance that Biden will pardon the rapper Diddy before the end of his term. And while those low odds suggest such a move is unlikely, we still can’t entirely rule out the possibility. After all, much to the chagrin of his own party, Joe already handed out a Get Out of Jail Free card to that son of his who has a history of engaging in activities too graphic for this family-friendly newsletter. If he’s willing to go against the grain and overlook a few years of Hunter’s debauchery…what’s to say he won’t do the same for a disgraced rapper who shares the younger Biden’s affinity for freak-offs? We’ll see: but in the meantime, if you want to check out other odds on today’s top stories, then baby, oil up your browser and head over to Polymarket.

As a reminder, trading on Polymarket is prohibited in the US but you can see the odds for free on Polymarket.com.

SUPPORTED BY

two years after nic carter published his first piece with us on the topic, operation choke point 2.0 has gone mainstream. this piece breaks down the timeline, and how a story that started at pirate wires has now reached widespread cultural relevance and the highest levels of us government

when you look up at the night sky, do you really want to see china? if not, check out solana’s must-read moon thesis laying out his case for an america that grows, and formalizing once and for all why the celestial body above us deserves to be the 51st state

how the uk’s new digital markets, competition and consumers act gives regulators sweeping power to stop acquisitions anywhere on the planet for any reason they want — a terrifying development that everyone in the industry should be aware of

©2024 Pirate Wires Corp. 215 NW 24th St. Ste. 800 Miami, FL 33127

Unsubscribe or Manage email Preferences 

Advertise with Pirate Wires

X

YouTube

Insta