Yesterday, in the auction of the decade, Alex Jones’ Infowars sold at a staggering loss to the Onion, a “satirical website” run by former NBC “disinformation expert” Ben Collins. Thus concludes the personal and professional destruction of Jones, which the courts and lawyers involved in the case have been bizarrely open about, and thus marks the first funny thing the Onion has done since it hired former NBC “disinformation expert” Ben Collins. Central to the case that finally took America’s most infamous conspiracy theorist down was the following question: should heinously making shit up about a bunch of dead children — legitimately evil, to be clear — carry the consequence of $1.5 billion, something like 20x the villain’s net worth? And I say yes. Of course the courts should be allowed to destroy a man the public really really hates, just as the founders intended. I feel safer already. Don’t you?

Yesterday, Trump nominated RFK Jr. to head the Department of Health and Human Services, rounding out a string of appointments that each have some part of Washington in “disbelief.” Others include: Tom “they can be deported together” Homan as Border Czar, Pete Hegseth as SecDef (a Fox news star, according to libs, a decorated combat vet according to MAGA), and Matt Gaetz as Attorney General, best known for his foot-soldier ethos as a culture warrior. As for myself, the picks make sense. Trump’s been persecuted by the deep state for the past eight years — a loyal deputy with a religious vendetta against vaccines is obviously preferable to a well-adjusted swamp creature. In fact, leaders actually don’t have to hire people who want to destroy them (as mainstream Dems would have you believe), and if none of the “normal” potential cabinet picks can pass this filter, what does that say about establishment Washington?

X alternative Bluesky reportedly added 1M+ new accounts since the election, and it’s not hard to see why. This is now the place for hot takes from Mark Cuban, who recently announced his departure from X, as did Don Lemon, who took the very-much-appreciated-and-totally-not-self-aggrandizing extra step of posting a giant ass signed goodbye note (on Don Lemon letterhead) to X. Now, Blueskyers are posting helpful “starter packs” for their new comrades, a gesture absolutely ripe for brutal mockery. And… therein lies a genuine problem. If all of these idiots leave, the sacred art that is the perfectly-executed Twitter dunk will be severely compromised. Batman needs Joker, and skilled poasters need Don Lemon. So here’s to hoping the sky isn’t bluer on the other side, that they all get sick of lecturing each other on proper masking etiquette, and come back home to Daddy Musk, where we will ratio embrace them with open arms.

Polymarket currently gives an 18% chance that newly elected President Trump will declassify Jeffrey Epstein’s client list. While in normal circumstances we might be skeptical that even Trump would do something as bold as out half of Washington as pedophiles, these aren’t normal times we’re living in. Trump just earned a massive, 312-electoral-vote mandate from the American People, and he did it via the campaign podcast circuit, “weaving” his way through questions from the Nelk Boys about Epstein and UFOs with grace. So go ahead, Don — you have America’s blessing to reveal that Bill Clinton slept with a 13-year-old. Meanwhile, Pirate Wires readers have our blessing to go check out odds on today’s top stories over at Polymarket. 

As a reminder, trading on Polymarket is prohibited in the US but you can see the odds for free on Polymarket.com.

SUPPORTED BY

two years ago, juries awarded nearly $1.5 billion in damages against alex jones. yesterday, we found out the onion bought his site infowars. max meyer’s 2022 recap of the trial — and how it reflects on our society — is essential reading for understanding jones’ place in american culture

if you’re concerned about ai regulation, you need to read this — even after the trump victory, america still risks stumbling into an ai policy regime worse than the one in the european union

an astonishing one out of every three gen zers expects to never marry. is digital technology destroying real life romance?

©2024 Pirate Wires Corp. 215 NW 24th St. Ste. 800 Miami, FL 33127

Unsubscribe or Manage email Preferences 

Advertise with Pirate Wires

X

YouTube

Insta