The U.S. Commerce Department finally proposed banning Chinese software and hardware in internet-connected vehicles, noting a foreign adversary with broad self-driving market penetration could conceivably flip a switch and cripple the country. In response, China urged Washington to “provide Chinese companies with an open, fair, transparent and non-discriminatory business environment.” Obviously, this is laughable given China’s banned almost every US tech company from its own market, but that begs another question: is this really a protective measure against a Chinese attack, or are we finally responding to the Chinese trade war? Probably a bit of both, which is great, and also not enough. Ban more. Ban Alibaba, ban Tencent, and obviously ban TikTok. If you want access to the American market, it’s time to play ball. Until then, piss off, we’ll build our own brain-melting megaphone for permanently adolescent 35-year-olds if we realize we really need one (we won’t).

Monday afternoon, outside a cabin in northern Switzerland, a 64-year-old American woman ended her life using a “suicide pod” filled with nitrogen gas. The invention is the $1M brainchild of Dr. Philip Nitschke, founder of assisted-suicide group Exit International (who started a beer-brewing company to legally import nitrogen canisters for you-know-what). Although the woman travelled to Switzerland specifically for this purpose — along with thousands of other foreigners, as Swiss law allows assisted suicide — police still arrested several activists involved. Now, everyone is focused on the legal technicalities inherent to the case. But while we’re on the topic of globalism (we are), I’ve got another question: wtf kind of dystopian trade deal is this? Europoors get borderline free drugs, at something like a 90 percent discount to the American dopes subsidizing the entire global market, and American boomers get… to kill themselves? Nah, y’all need God. And a business class or something, Jesus Christ.

More than 120 Hollywood actors and producers including JJ Abrams, Alyssa Milano, and ‘whoops, it was loaded’ Alec Baldwin signed a letter this week urging Governor Gavin Newsom to sign controversial AI bill SB 1047 into law. “Grave threats from AI used to be the stuff of science fiction,” the letter warns. “But not anymore.” And while most of us probably assumed the death knell for anyone giving a shit about Hollywood celebrity opinions was that “Imagine” video they put out during COVID (aww, is your business closed? here’s John Lennon), apparently no one gave that memo to SB 1047 proponent / Center for AI Safety Executive Dan Hendrycks, who touted the A-listers’ endorsements on X as a major victory. Listen, if you want me to join your “rationalist” doomsday cult, can you at least get a better spokesperson than Rosie O’Donnell? Because respectfully, wtf does Terk from Tarzan know about AI?

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