The Associated Press — a “news” agency — just published a how-to guide for Americans who’d like to quit X. “Some blame Musk for turning a place that used to be fun into one that’s chaotic and toxic,” the author writes of a place literally nobody has ever found “fun,” before listing the steps necessary to complete one’s X departure, including (not joking) posting a goodbye message (“it might help you achieve closure”). Obviously, nobody needs help figuring out how to not log onto a website, and the AP just wants to claw back social power from their perceived antagonist (Rocket Man Bad). But it’s wild how brazen the press has become in its bias. Then again, the Guardian did just ask (three times) for Elon’s arrest, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Here’s a thought, maybe what we really need to quit is mentally ill English majors. Step 1: subscribe to Pirate Wires.

Yesterday, a yearlong investigation by the House Homeland Security Committee and the Select Committee on the CCP revealed the U.S. is “dangerously reliant” on cargo cranes manufactured by ZPMC, a Chinese state-owned manufacturer responsible for roughly 80% of ship-to-shore cranes in U.S. ports. The company pressured port operators to include cellular modems that allow remote access (red flag??), creating a risk of “espionage and disruption” (who could have guessed?), which they didn’t push back on because doing so would be “difficult for customers who are looking to get the lowest price” (jfc). Looks like yet another piece of America’s critical infrastructure has been handed to our greatest geopolitical adversary. Maybe instead of bargain hunting like it’s Black Friday, we could, idk, build our own cranes? Rest assured, however, when the port of Los Angeles mysteriously stops working, the United States got the deal of the century.

The NSA is getting in on the podcast game (under the millennial-coded title “No Such Podcast”), and they’re kicking off with bangers like “How We Found Bin Laden.” Apparently the pod is all about highlighting the role SIGINT plays in “keeping America and its allies safe,” with one retired official saying “it’s time for NSA to take some credit.” Tbh this may be the greatest content marketing opportunity of the decade, but they’ve gotta nail the execution. Might I suggest an episode on how their “Elections Security Group” is currently collabing with private companies like Crowdstrike? Or perhaps a nice behind-the-scenes look at “why we created internal glossaries about ‘settler colonialism’ and ‘queer theory.’” Heck, they could even monetize via Patreon (become a “FED” today to sponsor 10 wiretaps a month!). Lastly, every great marketing initiative needs a tagline: “No Such Podcast,” available now on all platforms – including your SIM card.

Polymarket, home to odds on today’s top stories like “Caroline Ellison: prison-bound?” and “Biden’s next beach day?” (see: the next day that ends in ‘y’), now offers a tantalizing 40% chance of Mitt Romney endorsing Kamala Harris. Ah, yes, we can picture Romney now, joining the eclectic crew of Dick Cheney, Adam Kinzinger, and Elizabeth Warren — a real Noah’s Ark of the establishment. Two by two they come, neocons and Marx-inspired leftists alike, boarding the S.S. Status Quo, where unity is usually reserved for bombing nomadic sheep herders exclusively. And yet here, the looming threat of Trump has forged a strong bond amongst the disparate groups — a heartwarming spectacle of political evolution, really. As the flood of populism rises, even the most unlikely bedfellows find common ground. Will their alliance prove to be successful come November, though? Check Polymarket to find out (especially if you’re a concerned nomadic sheep herder).

As a reminder, trading on Polymarket is prohibited in the US but you can see the odds for free on Polymarket.com.

SUPPORTED BY

the telegram ceo’s arrest embodies the white-hot issues of security, censorship, government interference, geopolitics and the manic competition for all-important eyeballs that is the internet today

our astronauts are stuck in space, anduril’s arsenal-1, US manufacturing, tariffs, google, trump, media, our vanishing internet, palmer’s most heretical thoughts, and hope for the future

©2024 Pirate Wires Corp. 215 NW 24th St. Ste. 800 Miami, FL 33127

Unsubscribe or Manage email Preferences 

Advertise with Pirate Wires

X

YouTube

Insta