Last night’s debate between Lil’ Coconut and Donald Trump reaffirmed for every American: their candidate had a decent night, and their opponent is an Extremely Dangerous Person. Look, there were some highlights. Kamala blaming China for Covid, for example, and blaming Trump for being too soft on China (?). Trump’s (instantly iconic) “In Springfield, they’re eating the dogs… they’re eating the cats, they’re eating the pets of the people…” In other words, both parties were full of shit, dolled up in their own personal drag. We had fun. But they mostly just shared their standard platform slop (Kamala has a platform now (which she copied and pasted from Biden’s website (I am not being hyperbolic, please Google this))). Up next, both sides will declare victory, and literally nothing will change. Which, after that last debate? I guess means nature is healing. Nice. See you for the “October surprise.”

Speaking with CNBC, Bill Gates — our all-knowing Davos clairvoyant — dropped a few grim predictions for humanity over the next 30 years. The Microsoft co-founder listed “a major war” as one possible cataclysmic event, citing “a lot of unrest” in the world at the moment, while also speculating that “another pandemic” could break out sometime soon as well. Hmm, you think? One war and/or disease popping up at some point, somewhere on Planet Earth, in a given 30-year time period (aka, pretty much the norm for all of human history)? Thanks for the insight. Honestly, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation grift just isn’t the same without Melinda. That’s a woman who can blow a few billy (of Bill’s fortune) on scam non-profits and still land a glowing NYT profile for her trouble. Meanwhile, Bill is giving… this? Jesus, man, nobody asked for your doomer greatest hits. Go back to building things, or go away.

For the second Saturday in a row, ESPN’s College Gameday has broadcast students with signs reading “I ❤️Nuclear Energy” to millions of football fans across the country. Is America experiencing a bipartisan warming to a pro-nuclear renaissance? After all, the DOE just released a report that found over 60 GW of capacity could be added to already-existing or retired nuclear power plants, and both presidential candidates have laid out policies aimed at expanding the technology. And — speaking of presidential candidates — I have a theory why the pro-nuke crowd will win: they’re campaigning with ✨ joy ✨. Sure, it only worked for Harris-Walz for a month, but as long as the other side of the energy debate continues to glue themselves to precious art and kidnap thousands of people at a time by blocking bridges (a serious felony, btw), victory is inevitable.

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