Biden’s press secretary Karine Jeane-Pierre addressed several videos of her boss freezing up at odd moments before staring into space this week, wandering off into the distance, and otherwise just acting very old (which he is). These clips, Jeane-Pierre argued, are “cheap fakes.” Then, a little later, “we’re seeing these deepfakes,” she said, implying at least some of them have been fabricated by AI. But while many of the clips have been edited to make Biden look worse than he already does, there is no evidence they’ve been generated, which means Biden just made history. We’ve worried about the coming influence of deepfakes over our elections for years. Now, they’ve finally made an impact — not because of any actual fake news, but because our president’s handlers are hiding his strange behavior behind the *concept* of fake news. Nonetheless, it must be noted Biden has finally made history for something other than his age. Congratulations, sir. Now please retire.

After a jury found him guilty of lying about his crack use while buying a handgun, Hunter Biden took a few moments outside his courtroom to chat with reporters, and I noticed something important: veneers, balding crown, obvious cheek filler, whatever. Nothing can take away from the fact that Hunter — the left’s prodigal son — remains, technically speaking, attractive. And were he a Trump son, he’d almost certainly have been rehabilitated into a based, right wing “it girl” by now: a charming schizo fuck-up who loves drugs, wild sex (including with his brother’s wife?), and to record it all, in excruciating detail, on every Apple device he’s ever owned. Terrible for sure, but don’t you kind of… I don’t know… like him around? Democratic ops all hate the guy because they’re a bunch of joyless schoolmarms, but there’s a reason the anti-Hunter stuff never worked for the GOP. America loves an outlaw. Forget that at your own peril.

“Why do rich people love quiet?” asks “Xochitl Gonzalez” in an August 2022 ‘eat the rich’ take for the Atlantic that just went viral, which accidentally implies poor people suck to live around. A strange piece, and not only because the author’s name sounds like an actress in Mel Gibson’s criminally under-appreciated ‘Apocalypto’ while she looks and sounds like your fun, divorced aunt with a poorly concealed drinking problem. Oddly, two months earlier, she penned the exact opposite take for Elle. Working on her novel during the pandemic, no longer able to tolerate Brooklyn’s “close quarters” and “endless sounds of sirens,” she left for an upstate vacation rental on a “quiet, cobblestoned street” where there “was nothing to do... but listen to records and write and dream beside the fireplace. It was perfect.” Also perfect: this representation of the incoherent dogma white women LARPing as ancient Mayans or whoever are trying to feed you. Frame Xochitl’s headlines next to each other, and never forget. The irony is *chef’s kiss*.

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