Today, according to Reuters (so who really knows), OpenAI is announcing the release of a Google search competitor. Sam Altman is denying this (there you go), but says the company is launching… something. So what could it be? In an almost concurrently breaking story, it turns out the company is also considering a lift on its porn ban, which would allow users to prompt an endless supply of AI-generated butts. Butts of every kind, of every shape and color. More butts than have ever been generated in human history. Might this have something to do with the announcement? It’s not clear, but anything between a Google killer and a renaissance of butts would be exciting, and one thing’s increasingly obvious: it’s only a matter of time before we get both, and everything else. The future is going to be weirder than you can possibly imagine.

A horde of black-clad German climate protestors stormed the Brandenburg factory of (electric) car company Tesla on Friday in an attempt to break into the plant as part of their “environmental protest,” resulting in multiple arrests/several insanely viral clips on X. “But Riley, climate protestors attacking a company pushing sustainable energy makes no sense.” Oh, you sweet summer child. Welcome to Germany, the same country whose deranged government and “environmental” Die Grünen party (as fascist as it sounds) cheers on the decimation of its nuclear energy sector as if it’s some sore sort of climate W (congrats on burning more coal, idiots!). Anyway, I’m tired of caring, we shouldn’t even be on this continent. If our other allies need us, they can text.

The PR head at Chinese search giant Baidu was let go after giving the world a peek behind the curtain of the country’s tech industry in a series of videos. In one, she said she needed employees willing to travel for 50 days straight, and in another she bragged she didn’t know what grade her son was in. A little unhinged, sure, but the Chinese tech industry operates on the “996” principle — working 9am to 9pm, 6 days a week, and this is a good reminder of what we’re up against. Obviously our economy is more dynamic, and our founders are more creative, but as U.S. founders beg for glowing headlines by spouting off about 4-day workweeks and no Slack after 5pm, let’s keep in mind that the skyscrapers of Shenzhen and Beijing and stay lit long after dinner, and those workers are trying to build a future that has America in second place.

on this week’s pod, the pirate wires crew reveals what’s next for the former twitter ceo

jack dorsey on his exit from bluesky, how twitter lost its way, jack’s strategy for ending censorship forever, new background on the elon saga, and the death of social media as we know it

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